Venus and Mars

Some of the behaviors I love most about my son are also some of the same things that drive me crazy. He is such a free spirit and while I admire the independence the stubborn streak and at times just outward defiance is frustrating and embarrassing.

He is one of the sweetest, most sensitive and affectionate little boys. He tells me fifty times a day how much he loves me. If I leave the room, when I come back he tells me how much he missed me. He's full of hugs and kisses and he's like this way with his sister, his father, his grandparents, and his "favorite" cousin. I love this about him and can't get enough.

So, it's amazing how this same little boy can be filled with such a mischievous streak (and that's putting it nicely). It's not that he's mean-spirited at all. He just pushes the envelop as far as he can and truthfully consequences mean nothing to him. It's almost as if he weighs the options in his head before he does it and then does it anyway. I swear he's thinking, "I know if I hit my sister and then run away from my mom I am going to get in trouble, but it's worth it to know I upset my sister and my mom." Or, "I know my mom is going to be upset if I run away and hide from her in the store, but it's funny to see her panic thinking she lost me, so I'm going to do it anyway." The thing is that a lot of the behavior is not discipline-worthy, just frustrating. Example: trying on shoes and trying to make sure they fit and instead he puts the shoebox on his head and takes off dancing down the aisle saying, "The box is my hat."

I love that he's funny and can make anyone laugh and I love that he knows that he is funny. He performs for the reaction. But at the same time I am graying by the minute. He's a wonderful child and in truth, I'd take ten more just like him but he is such a boy and I mean that in the best possible way. I love having a daughter and I love having a son. I love them the same amount, but it's a different relationship with each. There are things that are specific to them that need nurturing and attention and boys and girls are just, by nature, so incredibly and wonderfully different. Nothing points that out more clearly than healthy, hyper little boys.

I want my son to be kind, compassionate, sensitive, caring and attentive. Those are qualities that I feel will one day make him a great husband and father. But I also want my son to be manly, rugged, rough, independent, and self-reliant. There's a tendency in our society to squash some of that natural beauty that is inherent in boys. You see it in school systems especially. They, at times, try to make boys into girls ( I mean that in a behavioral sense in that girls statistically have a longer attention span, are not as physical, etc.). So, I try to walk a fine line between disciplining him for inappropriate behavior but also letting him bask in his natural maleness (as I refer to it and as my husband mocks me for). Sometimes I get it wrong and let him bask when he should be disciplined and vice versa, but it's a learning process.

What were some of your children's most frustrating qualities or behaviors that also happened to be some of their most admirable?

Tis the Season

The Christmas season or maybe the stress of the economy seems to be bringing out the worst in people. Today, leaving a store with both my children, we were in the car about to pull through the parking space to exit the parking lot. As I was pulling forward a big work truck came in an attempt to pull into the space I was pulling forward through. I stopped, expecting him to back up since I was already halfway through the space. He didn't but instead kept coming at me, so I put my car into reverse and started backing up. I raised my hands with my palms upward in a gesture like, "What the heck?"

The man jumped out of his car, ran up to mine screaming, "Are you serious? Are you seriously going to get mad at me for trying to park?" I said, "Well, I was halfway through that space but whatever, it's not a big deal, so forget it."

He FREAKED. I don't know if he forgot his meds, escaped from the mental institution or what but he was screaming, "No, I will not forget it. F*&$ you, b&%ch. You can go to hell. F*%#! you" over and over again. I was so stunned, not to mention a little frightened. I pulled away but had to pass where his car was parked. I slowed down to write down his license plate number and the name of the company on the truck. While stopped a couple walked over to me who had witnessed the altercation encouraging me to not let it ruin my day, he was a jerk, they couldn't believe he did that, etc. I thanked them and was waiting to pull out of the parking lot.

The guy came back out of nowhere, smacked my car with his palm and screamed, "Can I help you?" I told him that if he said or did one more thing I was calling the police. He put his hand on my partially rolled down window and started screaming in my face how I was a b&*$# and to go f&*# myself.

I pulled out as quickly and safely as I could and called the police who came shortly thereafter. He had already left. I filed a report, but ultimately there isn't much they can do. There is no damage to my car or to me, thankfully and while he crossed the line it would be hard to prosecute.

My kids were scared and my daughter kept saying, "That is a bad man to call you that bad word. You are not a b*&$%, you are my nice mommy." I was so stunned I couldn't even come up with a response and really with kids in the car I didn't want to say anything to provoke him or show me in a negative light. The larger question is what is wrong with him to freak out over something so minor. While I was aggravated with him, it would have never occurred to me to jump out of my car and chase him down twice and I was the one in the right.

After the adrenaline wore off it scared me a bit to know that there are people out there, that look normal who are so easily triggered over something that happens tons of times a day in parking lots all over the world.

He mentioned something to me about calling the number on his truck, which led me to believe that he was the owner of the company. When I got home I did a little searching and discovered that he is in fact the owner, so there's no real recourse I can take there in terms of complaining about him. Oh well. Ultimately, I am just glad that he wasn't armed because he'd be the guy to open fire over something like this. I am rather bummed that my 4 and 2 year olds learned a new word that they've repeated quite a few times telling my mom, grandma, husband, anyone who will listen, "This very bad man told mommy she was a b*&$%."

So, how about you? Any altercations lately?

Elf on the Shelf

All holidays are pretty big in our house. We make a big deal so that the kids enjoy it and really feel like they are in the spirit of each holiday. As such, like most, we have encouraged their belief in Santa Claus (I realize some don't because they think it's tantamount to lying to their kids, but whatever...we do). Both accepted this pretty easily because hey, what's the complaint when some fat, jolly dude is going to bring you presents?

About a week ago I started talking to my daughter about Elf on the Shelf. The general idea is that one of Santa's helpers, the elf, sits on your shelf in the weeks leading up to Christmas, watching and then reporting back to Santa about whether your behavior has been good or bad. That night, the diligent parents, hide the elf in a new location for the kids to find the next morning and the myth continues. I thought this might be something the kids would really get excited about.

My daughter's first words were, "It's a stuffed elf right?"
Me: Right
Daughter: So, it can't talk.
Me: Well, it magically comes alive at night and can talk to Santa.
Daughter: But if it's a stuffed animal it can't talk. It can't just come alive. It's pretend.
Me: Uh, well this is a special, magical, elf...yada yada yada

Pretty soon I had concocted this new entire story about the elf. All the while my daughter sat there looking at me like I had lost my marbles. She finally interrupted me and said, 'Yeah, I don't think so, mom." Apparently, this elf is just a bit too far fetched for her. She's good to go on Santa, though.

Curly Locks of Love

Just before my son turned two (he's now 2 1/2) he had his first haircut. It was a bit unruly and they gave him such a cute, little man hair cut that I loved. However, I was also devastated as his curls fell to the floor. Right then and there I swore to never, ever cut his hair again. His curls grew back and the unruliness returned as well. I've trimmed it a couple of times just so he doesn't look like a hobo all the while keeping the length and general shaggy look.

This morning he woke up looking like Einstein and I realized that it might be time to officially cut his hair. So with each painful snip of the scissors and buzz of the clippers I winced as his locks fell to the bathroom floor. He was such a trooper and he looks so handsome with a "little man" haircut, but part of me is sick inside for once again cutting his curls after I swore I wouldn't.

I assume, like last time, the curls and unruliness will return and I'll suffer this same internal struggle all over again. For now, I'll just spend the rest of the day gushing about how cute he looks.

Public or Private?

There is a school affiliated with the the church I have attended all my life. I attended there for grades K-8 and received a great education. I attended a public high school and received a wonderful education there as well. Over the past couple of years enrollment has sharply declined, yet cost of enrollment has gone up (to compensate for the money lost by those leaving the school). Class size has always been small with, on average, ten to fifteen students a grade. My 8th grade graduating class was a class of nine. However, in the seventh and eighth grades combined there are five students this year. Where in years past there was a waiting list, this year there is a plethora of available seats. The total school for all nine grades has seventy-two students. To say the school is in crisis is an understatement. One of the options that is on the table is combining more than two grade levels in a singular classroom (currently K is alone as is 1st grade and second grade, third and fourth are combined, fifth and sixth are combined, and seventh and eighth are combined and even with the combined grades no classroom has more than fifteen students). To me this just does not seem like a wise move beyond the financial reasons. Combining second, third, and fourth, or fourth, fifth, and sixth or any other combination raises a couple of concerns.

First, there is a big age difference between a second and fourth grader. While only two numerical years separate those grades there is a vast divide when it comes to maturity and social development. I think it is a great disservice and potentially harmful for students to be shoved into a classroom with those that aren't technically their peers. My other concern is that now one teacher is responsible for teaching all subjects to three grade levels instead of one to two grade levels. Obviously, those kids are getting short-changed somewhere. In the time the teacher previously taught two grade levels, he/she now needs to teach three grade levels. I don't care how great of a teacher it is or how bright the students are something is falling by the wayside. Furthermore, one would now be paying the same price (or possibly more, if tuition yet again increases) for less instructional time. Eight hours of the day are now divided by three instead of one or two as they had been in the past.

By comparison, the public school system already has large class sizes. With our state proposing more budget cuts in education the chance that class sizes will again increase isn't just a possibility but a strong likelihood. While large class sizes at the high school level don't concern me as much, class sizes in the younger, formidable ages concerns me greatly. I don't want my daughter (who begins Kinder next year) to be one of thirty-five or forty kids and that is now a possibility. So, while the class size, even with three grade levels, would be considerably smaller at the parochial school the larger public classroom would at least have one to two teachers teaching the same grade level all day and not trying to divide his/her time between multiple levels. Plus, it's free.

While the parochial school has always been a possibility my husband and I decided months ago we would send her to the local public school and while I still feel confident in this decisions and feel that ultimately she would receive a better education, become more well-rounded, and be able to participate in more extracurriculars, I am waiting on the edge of my seat to see what happens to the class sizes as our state tries to deal with our budget crisis. On the flip side, cost is the primary concern of sending her to the parochial school along with what we feel to be an inferior gifted program, not as clear of a curriculum, and growing concern about class size (although on the opposite end of the spectrum....classes too small and being boosted in numbers by combining many grades). If this trend keeps up, it won't be long before it is a single room school house reminiscent of a time long since passed.

What are/were some of your concerns when it came to your children and education. Did they attend private, public or parochial schools? What led you to those decisions?

The Death of Objective Reporting

I have been wondering for a while now what happened to straight forward journalistic reporting? I can remember a time in the not too distant past when I would open a newspaper or magazine, read an article and then formulate my opinion based on the facts presented in the article. Now you can't read an article or turn on the TV without being told HOW to feel about the “facts” presented. I hate that. It's most prevalent in politics or politically charged issues, but it is even seeping just into general news stories. I know the “liberal media” has been accused of doing this for years and many of them are guilty of biased reporting, yet the right does it just as much. Which leads me back to the question of what happened to actual journalists? It seems like all we have now are self-serving pundits trying to fan the fires of half-truths, omission, and just outright lies.

I skip through channels late at night and catch news from CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, etc. The other night Fox led with something to the effect of “Stay tuned to learn how Obama is continuing to ruin this country.” In all fairness there's the opposite end of the spectrum on MSNBC. Why can't they just report factually the decisions Obama (or anyone for that matter) has made and let us, as the viewers, decide whether we think he is ruining America or not? Obama is just a singular example. The same bias can be applied to almost any partisan person and issue. Apparently, all media thinks the general public is much too stupid to actually formulate any decisions on our own. We must certainly need them to tell us how to think and how to feel.
Lest we think this is just a national problem or a television problem, it's not. I read an article in a local right-winged journal based out of Brooklyn that was reporting on a situation that was happening in one of our many school districts here in Tucson. She repeatedly, throughout the article, referred to the school district as Tucson's School District as if Tucson only had one. Completely erroneous. Further she was outraged at the fact that the school district in question had come up with a disciplinary plan that was specifically for minorities and that this plan had to address why minorities were disciplined at a higher rate and how to address this. The way the entire article was framed would elicit outrage out of even the most liberal of readers, which was obviously the point, as it not only implied but pretty much said that if you were white you could expect to be stuffed into classrooms with Mexicans and Blacks who were hoodlums that should be suspended but whom the district now would not suspend, lest they seem racist.

What this author failed to point out was WHY this discipline plan was submitted. It seems like the sin of omission is commonplace in reporting now. They tell just enough to get everyone fired up without giving any of the background, history, or reasons that led to the “outrageous moment.” It would be like saying, “Man clubs neighborhood dog to death with a baseball bat” leading everyone to think he has a screw loose and failing to mention he did so because the dog was attacking his baby daughter. In this case, this school district is trying to get out of a 20+ year old desegregation order and in order to be in compliance the judge ORDERED the district to submit this plan. What this author also failed to mention was that the discipline plans are IDENTICAL but one is labeled “Minority.” Had they not submitted this plan the proceedings to break free from this desegregation order would not continue. Anyone not from Tucson would have no idea and appropriately would be outraged. Even many in and from Tucson aren't necessarily aware of the legalities and after seeing this article propagated as fact and wholly accurate the author or those dispersing the article are successful in eliciting the emotional response they desire while ignoring the facts.

I like to be aware of current events. I like to be given the specifics, the facts, void of any emotion or personal feelings attached. I trust myself to be able to decide how I feel about certain topics be it politics, religion, education, or even just local events that only affect a few. I was told recently, during a discussion, that I looked at things “too logically, too rationally” and maybe that is why I have such a difficult time stomaching what passes as “news” or “journalism” these days. I also would venture to bet though that there are a lot more people like me out there who would prefer their news to be a bit more logical and rational and not illogical, irrational, emotional, and biased.

So, what do you think of journalism these days? What concerns you most?

Turkey Day Recap

Thanksgiving this year was another fun occasion, despite the semi-crankiness of our children. Wednesday evening I took our daughter up to my parents' Tucson home (they were in town for the holiday) so she could spend the night along with three of her cousins. Outside of the time our son was born or the time he was hospitalized she has never spent the night away from us. Even then my mom came and stayed with her at our home. Anyway, we weren't sure how it was going to go, but she loved it. She stayed up until midnight with her cousins, although my parents said she was ready to conk at 10 pm but didn't want to miss anything. Coming home last night without her was a little sad for me in a way, although it was great having all that time with our son and being able to give him some undivided attention.

We went up to my parents around 11 ish and our daughter was visibly tired, but she did a pretty good job of keeping it together throughout the day. My parents home is out in the desert so there is a lot of cactus both hidden and visible. Our son ended up grabbing/falling into some cactus getting most of it on his hand and arm which required my brother to try to get all the tiny, fine spikes out with tweezers while my husband and I tried to keep our son still and calm. I'm just thankful he had on jeans because there was a lot more cactus on his pants that could have been on his legs.

We ate, drank, told jokes, chatted, listened to my kids cry....the usual. We all went outside around 6:15 our time to see the space shuttle orbit and while outside our son, who was barefoot, stepped in a cactus. He was screaming, we couldn't see anything visible, and he wouldn't hold still long enough for us to look at his foot so we loaded him in the car and headed home. He kept screaming so when we got home I pinned him down and discovered two pretty decent size pieces of cactus dug pretty deeply into his foot. Poor kid had quite the trauma with cactus today.

Anyway, both are conked out; husband too and I am trying to decide if I should get up early to shop or just stay in bed and avoid the crazies.

How was your Thanksgiving?